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Notes from the Small Pond...Wedding Excerpts

Twelve weddings since May. Two more to go before Christmas. I'm about all danced out. Between the Chicken Dance, The Macarena, Jump Around and that annoying, Must-Play-at-Every-Wedding-Dance song by Usher, I've pretty much used up all my dance moves, including the one where I drop to the floor and do as many push-ups as I can, keeping time with the music while my wife sits on my back to make it more challenging. Good stuff... Still, there's some amazing conversation that happens at and around weddings and if you're an expert eaves-dropper like me, it can be entertaining, poignant and downright beautiful. Some excerpts:

Bride: "Daddy, thank you so much for paying for all this. It's so beautiful."

Father-of-Bride: "You're welcome, Honey. I love you. You're my little girl. You know I'd do anything for you."

Bride: "...I know, Daddy...Thank you...Since we're taking two weeks off for Belize, we're going to be a little short on cash-flow this month...can you and Mom help us out?"


Groom: "Hey, Dude, gimme a drink of that beer - I'm so nervous, I'm shaking."

Best Man: "It ain't beer."

Groom: "Huh?"

Best Man: "It's Jagermeister. I'm keeping it in this beer bottle so my girlfriend doesn't know."

Groom: "Wow, Dude. That's sick. ...Gimme some."


Bridesmaid (to Bride): "Wow, you look absolutely beautiful. And your hair is perfect - you look like a princess."

Bride: "Really? Oh, thank you so much. ...and can you please not wear so much make-up. Your face looks like plastic."


Best Man (to Bride): "...I've known Frank (the groom) for 20 years - since we were kids - and he's always been the most untrustworthy person I've ever known, besides me."

Bride: "Did you say untrustworthy?"

Best Man: "Yes. A real snake."

Bride: "Are you being serious?"

Best Man: "Serious as a heart attack."

Bride: "You're a creep."

Best Man: "And you're an idiot for marrying that loser."

Bride: "Get away from me."

Best Man: "Glad to, Fatty."


Father of the groom (giving a toast at dinner): "Son, I raise this glass to you and your new bride, and offer this toast, along with my most sincere and heartfelt blessings, as you embark on this most beautiful, joyous experience - this lifelong journey of marriage...well, unless you two unfortunately get divorced or something - but I sure hope that doesn't happen, especially after all this money and effort - but on a more positive note, I hope and pray you guys don't have any trouble getting pregnant like your mom and I did..."

Or (my favorite):

Groom (to Bride) while dancing on a crowded dance floor with a throng of inebriated, fellow slow-dancers: "Babe, thank you for taking a chance on me. I love you."

Bride: "There's nothing 'chancy' about it. I love you. And spending my life with you is not some sort of option or try-out - it's just...who I am...Loving you is the biggest part of what makes me, me."

Groom: "God, I wish I could say stuff like that."

Bride: "You say plenty of good stuff..."

Groom: "Well, not really, but I try....When can we leave?"

Bride: "Leave?"

Groom: "Yeah, when can we leave - I just want this wedding stuff to be over. I just want to be alone with you."

Bride: "...I know what you mean."

Groom: "It's our wedding - we can do what we want...Let's get out of here."

Bride: "Let's."

Twenty minutes later, while walking to my car to get my wife's coat, I saw this last couple leaning up against someone's pickup truck in the parking lot, locked in a deep and unyielding kiss. No one was around. Just them.