Laura on Life... Dryer sheets are multi-purpose tools, for some

This morning was a morning like any other. Not unusual in any way. I woke up with bed-head and decided to take a shower after I dropped the kids off at school. So I asked my kids if any of them had a hat I could borrow to hide the Medusa look.

After bringing me a red velvet Santa hat, a straw hat with multicolored flowers on it, a pirate hat, and a purple cowboy hat, they finally produced a beat-up baseball cap. I donned the cap and we were out the door and into the car.

It usually doesn't take long before the first bizarre question pops out of my son's mouth. I think he tries to find a bizarre way to ask even the most mundane questions.

"I hope you don't mind, mom, but is it OK if I borrowed a dryer sheet, today?"

"Well, it's only fair; I borrowed your baseball cap. What are you doing with the dryer sheet?"

"I put it in my pants."

I could hear my daughter sweetly butchering the words to the Wizard of Oz song in the back seat: "Ding! Dong! The witch's broom, the witch's broom!"

"OK, I'll bite. Why do you need a dryer sheet in your pants?... And by the way, I don't want it back."

"Well..." my son said slowly, "The End of Grade Tests are today."

It seems that last year during the End of Grade Tests, he tried to quietly pass some gas and it came out as a long drawn out squeeeeeeal. He says it was because he was sitting on a hard chair. But like a true professional of the sport, he pointed at the person next to him and prepared to blame him for his faux pas. Unfortunately, the smell gave him away.

So this year, he was determined to prevent that from happening. Thus, the dryer sheet in his pants. He's convinced that, should that same incident present itself again this year, the dryer sheet would mask the smell.

While I digested this information in amazement and, frankly, a little horror, my daughter's song caught my attention again: "Ding! Dong! The witch's broom, the witch's broom!"

To distract myself I said, "That's not how the song is sung, sweetheart."

But before I could explain, the 5-year-old asked why his toy car was in the trash can.

"Well, first of all, it's not your car. You took it from your classroom, so I'm saving it to give it back to your teacher. It just fell into the trash can from the dashboard."

My daughter wanted to know if I would take it to the teacher today because she knew he'd be in trouble, but I told her "No, not today, because I look like Medusa."

The 10-year-old piped up "No, you don't, Mom! My baseball cap is on your head. You look like Medusa going to the ballpark!"

"Thanks, I feel much better."

"Ding! Dong! The witch's broom, the witch's broom..."

"DEAD!" The word was yelled out at a deafening decibel by everyone in the car and startled my very sensitive daughter who stopped singing abruptly. My son yelled, "The witch is DEAD, not broom!"

My daughter burst into tears, "But I don't like that word; it makes me feel so sad!"

So we spent the rest of the ride trying to find a word that means "dead" that wouldn't conflict with her sweet sensibilities.

Ding! Dong! The witch is... croaked... kaput... not alive... extinct... done for... pushing up daisies...

My daughter decided she liked the one with the daisies.

She sang merrily, "Ding! Dong! The witch is pushing up daisies!"

You can reach Laura at lsnyder@lauraonlife.com or visit her Web site www.lauraonlife.com for more columns and information about her new book.