Slices of Life: You should never …
There are certain things in life that prudent, forward-thinking people avoid. Like putting their tongue on a frozen metal fence, or being outnumbered by their kids. Certain actions just aren’t wise and some can even get you into trouble. These are things, that if you are thinking logically, you will never do. For instance, you should never …
Eat crackers in bed.
Smoke in bed — or anywhere for that matter.
Overflow the bathtub. Overflow the toilet (even worse).
Show up late to work. Show up late to a movie. Show up late. It’s rude.
You should never be rude. At least not on purpose.
Text while driving.
Gossip. (Hard, I know.)
Fall asleep at work. (Dumb.) Fall asleep on a railroad track. (Dumb and dangerous.)
Spend more than you earn. (Squander money.)
Squander time. Squander opportunity. Squander relationships. Squander.
Make vague and ambiguous posts on social media, which prompt people to ask, “What’s wrong?”
Follow the crowd, unless it’s going in the direction you want to go.
Bring a cat to a dog park.
Forget to buy the cat treats.
Brag. Even about your kids — or your cat.
Forget your anniversary.
Wear a royal blue shirt when shopping at Walmart.
Wear a red shirt when shopping at Target.
Run a red light.
Argue with a police officer.
Disagree with your cat.
Jump to conclusions.
Jump out of an airplane (unless you have a parachute).
Tag someone in an unflattering photo.
Send an angry email at 10 p.m. Whatever it is can wait until the morning.
Think that it’s all about you.
Get all political on social media.
Fry bacon in your birthday suit.
Hug a cactus.
Hug a cactus while frying bacon in your birthday suit.
Click on an unknown link in an email.
Ignore your mom. Ignore your dad.
Ignore the check engine light.
Run out of gas.
Take a family member for granted. This goes double for your spouse.
Wear white to a wedding (unless you are the bride).
Store tomatoes in the refrigerator.
Use a password called “password.”
Turn your back on a crocodile.
Try to beat a train.
Store onions with potatoes.
Say “congratulations” to a woman who appears pregnant, unless you are 100 percent sure.
Say, “I can’t.”
Break a promise.
Make a promise you know you can’t keep.
Miss out on the chance to learn something new.
Give up on others. Give up on yourself.
Be purposely hurtful.
Ignore an opportunity to be kind.
Wear a tutu to a job interview (unless you are a ballerina).
Think life is fair.
Leave the ice cream out on the counter.
Drink milk from the carton (unless you have no friends and live alone).
Prioritize things over people.
Elevate yourself above others.
Play poker with a guy (or gal) who is wearing mirrored sunglasses.
Underestimate the power, stamina and energy of a parent.
Underestimate the love of a parent.
There are more. Dozens even. But I’ll stop here. (You always want to quit leaving them wanting more.)
Never forget that.
Cloquet resident Jill Pertler is an award-winning syndicated columnist, published playwright, author and member of the National Society of Newspaper Columnists. Don’t miss a slice; follow the Slices of Life page on Facebook.