To Whom It May ConcernDear National Organization Representing Senior Citizens, ...
By: Jill Pertler, Pine Journal
Dear National Organization Representing Senior Citizens,
Thank you for sending me a temporary membership card along with an invitation to join your club. Unfortunately I won’t be able to use either for some time. As much as I appreciate your (multiple) attempts to correspond with me, I’m afraid you have me confused with someone else.
Although I hope to enroll someday, I do not possess the prerequisites for membership in your organization. It’s a numbers thing and I haven’t reached the peak. I’m still climbing (the hill, that is) and I’m not quite over it yet.
Oh, sure, my knees give an occasional creak and the old get up and go doesn’t always go like it used to, but I am far from achieving the numerical status needed to join your club. At least I think I am. I sometimes experience difficulties remembering things – like my age – but I am pretty sure I am decades away from a senior discount.
Of course, I do engage in the (occasional) afternoon nap. Isn’t that what Saturdays were made for? I believe youngsters nap with regularity, so 40-winks does not put one anywhere except tired. Sometimes I get tired. More often lately. Especially after my last birthday, when the flames from the candles lit up the kitchen like a torch.
I admit I am familiar with the term “Early Bird Special.” Does this prove anything other than the fact that I am blessed with a healthy appetite? I think not. Eating before 5 p.m. says nothing about one’s age, does it?
I also must confess: gravity is becoming more real with each passing year, and certain parts of my body seem to be sinking downward.
I have been known to tell the same story over and over. This isn’t a sign of age; more that I am interesting – or at least interested, in myself.
I also must confess: gravity is becoming more real with each passing year, and certain parts of my body seem to be sinking downward. Did I say that already?
However, when I currently speak of retiring, I am referring to bedtime or perhaps the wheels on my minivan – certainly not my career. I’ve got plenty of time clocks to punch before I sleep.
I understand the benefits of membership in your club. The potential for driving discounts is especially attractive. I am an exceptionally safe driver and pride myself on traveling at least five miles under the speed limit at all times. I also like to use the left lane whenever possible. It’s less congested and I feel safer over there.
I also appreciate the impact of insurance discounts and restaurant coupons. I hope to have them in my fanny pack someday. For now, though, I am still a youngster who regrettably is not eligible to be a part of your grand organization.
Never fear about the temporary membership card falling into the wrong hands. I will cut it up and throw it away – or I would – if I could remember where I put it. I have lost track of it. Perhaps it’s under my green bananas. If I could find my bifocals, I’d be able to look, but it seems I’ve misplaced them – again.
Cloquet resident Jill Pertler, award-winning syndicated columnist and author of “The Do-It-Yourselfer’s Guide to Self-Syndication,” is collecting fans on Facebook on her Slices of Life page. Email her at firstname.lastname@example.org or visit her website at http://marketing-by-design.home.mchsi.com/.