Notes from the Small Pond....Coaching
This woman I know makes an actual living as a coach. Not hockey or jujitsu or water skiing. Just coaching. She's a "Life Coach." Some of her clients call her their mentor. She mentors them. I overheard (OK, I was spying) her and one of her clients the other day at a coffee shop. They were "in session." It was awesome. I'm so stupid. Why the h@#! didn't I think of this years ago? If anyone out there wants a Life Coach, call me. I'll mentor the h@#! out of you.
"I just seem to be in such a rut all the time."
"Well, maybe you are."
"I know, right?!"
"It definitely happens."
"I know. I just need to make a change."
"Do you feel like the changes you need to make are more on the career side of your life, or the personal side?
"Wow...I dunno. Maybe both. ...You always make me think so much. In ways I would never think of thinking."
"Well, it's sort of my job, right?"
"Ha! I guess! And you're really good at it!"
"Well thanks...You know what?"
"We should think about your personal brand."
"Yes, you should be intentional about how you're branding yourself, as a professional and personally."
"What do you mean?"
"Well, you know how Ford and Coca-Cola have brands, right?"
"Well, like that."
"Well...how do I...how does someone..."
"Well, for starters, this is exactly what you have to stop doing."
"Stop being so negative. Stop pretending there are so many obstacles in the way of your success. Start believing in yourself."
"I'm not saying I don't believe in myself; I'm just not sure how to brand myself like Coke."
"Now you're just being combative. If I'm gonna be your coach, then you have to learn to be coach-able."
"OK ... I'm trying."
"Well it's time you start trying smarter instead of trying harder."
"You're right. I'm so glad you're my mentor."
"I'm going to work on my personal brand."
"You really should. I can help."
"My God, that would be incredible!"
"Should we meet again next week?"
"That'd be awesome!"
By then, I really couldn't take it anymore. I was between laughing my guts out or barfing my guts out. But one way or another, my guts were coming out. Seppuku style. In the parking lot, the two separated with one of those hugs you see ladies committing. Then, the pupil -- the mentee -- drove off in her Sebring convertible while her Life Coach climbed into her Caddy SUV, checked her lipstick in the rear-view mirror and careened off down the road toward her next victim. I mean student. I mean client.
Life Coach. Give unto me a freaking break.